


mustard-berry makeouts

by friedmangoslushies



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, in which karkat is the world's butt monkey, wacky teenagers doing wacky things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-08
Updated: 2013-07-08
Packaged: 2017-12-18 04:06:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/875437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/friedmangoslushies/pseuds/friedmangoslushies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>because sometimes relationships are built off of years of dedication, devotion, and passion. other times they are fueled by the mutual need to piss off your best friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	mustard-berry makeouts

**Author's Note:**

> an alternate title of the story is "it was one in the morning when i realized just how badly this world needs more flushed solrezi"
> 
> also wow why wont the custom homestuck skin show

* * *

\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] ! --

GC: H3Y K4RK4T  
GC: THOLLUTH 1S TOT4LLY H4NG1NG OUT 1N MY H1V3 R1GHT NOW  
GC: 4R3NT YOU SO J3LLY? >:]  
CG: OKAY, FIRST OF ALL, NEVER SAY JELLY AGAIN.  
CG: AND SECOND, NO I AM NOT JEALOUS OF THE FESTERING WORMHOLE YOU REFER TO AS YOUR SOCIAL LIFE.  
CG: THE FACT THAT YOU ONLY HAVE THREE FRIENDS THAT WON'T STAB YOU IN THE BACK AND ONLY ONE ACTUALLY BEING SANE (ME) IS *NOT* SOMETHING TO GLOAT ABOUT.  
GC: kk you can be 2uch a downer.  
GC: maybe iif you actually wanted to come over and have fun iin2tead of pattiing your bulge all niight and yelling at poor, iinnocent bliind giirl2, you'd have 2ome friiend2 two.  
GC: OH SN4P  
GC: S1CK BURNS R41N1NG DOWN 1N TH1S PL4C3 W3R3 GONN4 N33D SOM3 1C3  
GC: we 2hould get iit to mii2ter vanta2...  
GC: on the double.  
GC: H4H4H4 Y3S  
CG: OKAY, WOW, YOU GUYS ARE NAUSEATING.  
CG: SERIOUSLY IF YOU'RE GONNA GET ALL BUDDY-BUDDY WITH EACH OTHER WHY DON'T YOU JUST BECOME MATESPRITS?  
CG: OR, WAIT, I KNOW! YOU CAN GET HUMAN MARRIED.  
CG: I WILL BE THAT GUY WHO SAYS THE VOWS OR WHATEVER, EXCEPT I WON'T BE ABLE TO, BECAUSE YOU'D NEVER GET YOUR NOOKS OFF EACH OTHER FROM THE MOMENT YOU GET UP THERE.  
CG: THEN I CAN DIE ALONE IN SHAME AND WATCH YOU FLAUNT YOUR MARRIED MATESPRITSHIP ALL OVER  
CG: SOUND LIKE A PLAN?  
CG: . . .  
CG: HELLO?  
CG: TEREZI  
CG: SOLLUX  
CG: DID YOU GUYS JUST GET UP AND LEAVE MID-CONVERSATION?  
CG: NO, WAIT, HOW COULD I NOT REALIZE IT? YOU'RE PAILING. IT'S THE OBVIOUS ANSWER.  
CG: I'D LEAVE YOU IN PEACE, BUT I DON'T THINK YOU PUKE-SPEWING MAGGOTS DESERVE THAT!  
CG: YOU'RE NOT EVEN TRYING TO BE SUBTLE ABOUT THINGS! YOU'RE PROBABLY JUST SITTING AROUND IN YOUR HIVE MAKING A LIST OF HOW MANY WAYS YOU CAN PISS OFF KARKAT VANTAS!  
CG: WELL GUESS WHAT! IT'S NOT WORKING SO YOU CAN TAKE THAT GROSS MISCONCEPTION BACK TO WHATEVER BUCKET YOU FOUND!  
GC: WH4TS 4LL TH1S 4BOUT BUCK3TS  
CG: OH, HAHA, SEE, NOW THEY'RE DONE. LET'S ALL PLAY COY NOW! WHO PAILED? IT SURE WASN'T US NO SIRREE!  
GC: HOW D1D YOU 3V3N M4N4G3 TO COM3 TO TH4T CONCLUS1ON  
GC: 1 L1T3R4LLY C4NNOT TH1NK OF 4NYTH1NG F4RTH3R FROM TH3 TRUTH  
GC: BUT NO W3 W3R3 4CTU4LLY H4V1NG 4 V3RY 4DULT-L1K3 4ND S3R1OUS D1SCUSS1ON!  
GC: 4ND W3 D3C1D3D TO T4K3 YOU UP ON YOUR OFF3R  
CG: WHAT OFFER?   
GC: kk remember when you 2aiid and ii quote "IF YOU'RE GONNA GET ALL BUDDY-BUDDY WITH EACH OTHER WHY DON'T YOU JUST BECOME MATESPRITS?"  
GC: that iis precii2ely the thiing we diid.  
CG: YOU WHAT  
GC: W3R3 M4K1NG OUT NOW 4WW Y1SS  
GC: D1D YOU KNOW SOLLUX HAS THE H4NDS OF A GOD  
CG: NO AND I DIDN'T NEED TO.  
GC: plea2e tz, iif my hand2 are of a god then your mouth iis pure ambro2iia.  
GC: TH4T W4S SO B34UT1FUL 1M SH3DD1NG R34L T34RS OV3R H3R3  
GC: no you're not.  
GC: OK4Y 1M NOT YOU GOT M3  
GC: LOOK W3 4R3 STR34M1NG!  
\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] sent the link [trollstream.com/nsfwstream/MUST4RDB3RRY_M4K3OUTS/passwordassisted](http://trollstream.com/nsfwstream/MUST4RDB3RRY_M4K3OUTS/passwordassisted) to carcinoGeneticist [CG] ! --  
GC: P4SSWORD 1S "T34LGOLDFUS1ON"  
CG: I'M NOT GONNA CLICK THAT LINK.  
GC: YOUR LOSS  
CG: I HAVE ZERO INTEREST IN SEEING MY TWO BEST FRIENDS ENGAGING IN HORRIFIC AND UNDESIRABLE BEHAVIOR THAT COULD RESULT IN POTENTIALLY CATASTROPHIC AND RECKLESS CONSEQUENCES.  
CG: YOU DO REALIZE THAT MY WATCHING THIS WOULD BE ILLEGAL IN SO MANY WAYS AND I WOULD NEVER OH MY GOD WHAT IS HE DOING WITH HIS FINGERS  
GC: WH4T D1D 1 S4Y? H4NDS OF 4 GOD  
CG: WAIT WAIT NO HOLD ON DON'T STOP DOING THE HAND THING THAT WAS HOT  
CG: WHAT ARE YOU DOING  
CG: NO DON'T DISCONNECT  
  
\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] ! --

* * *

"Oh my god, Karkat is literally the most gullible troll in paradox space."  
  
You laugh and help Terezi off your lap. She scrolls back through the pesterlog and can't help but to start cackling again. "He honestly somehow managed to think we were pailing back there!"  
  
"How do you even manage to draw a conclusion like that," you chuckle, and you can feel your lisp twisting the words around. You try a bit harder to enunciate better with your next sentence: "See, this is what I was talking about, TZ. He jumps to the most unlikely conclusion so fast, it's like flying from Alternia straight into the sun and just skipping through all the asteroid belts."  
  
"That was a horrible metaphor but I forgive you," Terezi snickers, then adds as an afterthought, "sweetie," and then, "can I call you that, or is that too weird?"  
  
"I thought we were only gonna be matesprits when KK was looking, and even then only for a few days. Just to rile him up."  
  
"Yeah, I guess this is better than a serious relationship anyway. Wanna play more video games?"  
  
You shake your head no, "You always manage to beat me. How do you manage to beat me? You're blind and I coded the all the cheats."  
  
"Natural talent," (that's what you said about your god-awful art skills just two nights ago, you think!) and she gives her hand a dismissal wave that sweeps across your face. She clearly realizes what happened the instant after, because her hand flies back as if she'd been burnt. "Sorry!" she blurts out, but you pretend not to hear:

"Oh, so is that how you're waxing?"

Her face twists into confusion for a split second, but then she gets the joke and her grin widens. "Oh, no! You've figured out my secret! I have been the blackest of black for you, you big old douchey weird nerdturd butthead -- _crap_."

"What?" 

"I ran out of faux-insults. Wait, hold on - buttmunch. Does buttmunch count? I think buttmunch is most definitely a legitimate insult in these circumstances," and you can't help but laugh. It's two in the morning and everything is funny, but now she's laughing - a geniune laugh, not a cackle, and for some reason that just makes you laugh even harder. She moves her head a lot when she laughs and accidentally pokes you in the chin with one of her horns, and now the both of you are nearly in hysterics. You're not sure when or why you started kissing her but when you manage to get control of your laughter your mouths are together and she's still chuckling against your lips.  
  
"Blackest of black, huh?"

"Oh, definitely," and you start realizing that you might have to put _watching kk seethe with rage_ on the backburner.


End file.
